Balloon From China Beats Trillion Dollar Defense

Everyone rise up, it’s red scare season

Nothing screams patriotism like a F-22 shooting down a balloon. My dick is throbbing without Viagra when I saw that jet own the communist balloon. I do have a question, how did this balloon beat the trillions of dollars in defense funding we have? Was it purposeful or sheer genius?


For those under a rock, a balloon was spotted flying over Montana. It was deemed to be a Chinese surveillance balloon and was executed on site. I wish I saw it live, but the live footage will do.

Naturally this sparked massive freak outs as we’re supposed to hate China now instead of the middle east in this day and age. Will anyone realize that the entire world is kind of fucked? No? Ok.

Anyways I thought this was a gag, but it’s a real life story which is funnier than everything else going on. Predictably, the right is using this against Biden to call him a Chinese sell out. Causation is correlation mother fuckers and don’t you forget it.

Alright let’s go to Twitter for the hottest of takes to melt the readers brain.

Boys this is irrefutable evidence that Trump was indeed the best president ever. Not a single Chinese balloon made it into our airspace during his administration. Conveniently forget that no matter who is in office they constantly increase military spending or most billionaires who fund these parties use China’s labor for billions. In unrelated news, Rupert Murdoch, owner of Fox News, borrowed $100m from state owned Bank of China. Can’t trust nobody nowadays to not be a weather balloon supporter. Maybe I’m a spy balloon? You don’t know me.

Is it a Big Deal?

Uhhhh. Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out the justification for the freak out over the balloon. I mean everyone is spying on each other, China spies on the US via TikTok and the US spies on China via cool super spy shit movie shit. Using a balloon, seems kind of odd when Google Earth is available. I found a meth lab once in a computer class once. Cool story, bro.

On a more serious note, why is nobody talking about how it got here? Trillions and trillions of dollars in defense spending vs one jiggly weather balloon. This whole story has more holes than swiss cheese. To me, red scare propaganda for politicians to push a narrative and distract from how shitty they are and throw us into more unnecessary conflict.

The wealthy sure as shit don’t want conflict because that would inhibit the ability to afford multi-story yachts. Maybe it’s time to bring manufacturing back to the US and actually pay people fairly? Possibly gut Amazons work force for fucking once and have competitive pay for workers? Holy shit, I’m a communist scum bag.

My 2 Cents

Don’t fall into “well Trump had 3 balloons over” or Fox News spewing this story 24/7. This is red scare and you cannot convince me otherwise. Why the fuck would anyone use a balloon to spy on us and cause all this madness. That’s fucking stupid.

Fuck me, we’re in for a lot more bullshit down the pipeline with China. I hate this shit.

Thanks for the read.



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